As I look at this picture I’m reminded of all the reasons I love photography and most of all why I love documentary/lifestyle photography. Don’t get me wrong, I love a beautiful portrait of myself or my puppies, but when I look back at my life, the few posed toddler pictures we have and my senior pics I’m reminded of nothing other than my cute little outfit and the way my hair looked.
I want more. I want to know what I was like as child, my favorite toys, what mornings looked life with my mother, how fiercely she loved us, my crazy tantrums and moments of joy, luckily I have a lot of that.
And that is why now in my world without children I am still documenting these precious moments. There are times where I feel I desperately need children to tell stories, to document my life in some kind of profound and interesting way. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. I want to work on slowing down and savoring a little more. I want to remember this season. Isn’t it interesting how we are trying so hard to get to the next thing and then wishing we could go back, that we could remember? That’s why I love photographs and songs. Both have amazing teleportation powers. They can catapult you back so fast to a time, a place, a sliver of a memory. I am certain a good portion of my memory exists as a result of photographs. Do I actually recall that memory or was it created as a result of photographs?
In some moments I am perfectly content where I'm at and in others so desperate to enter the next moment, to have children, to be a mother, to be in a different space. Jordan says, “look at these faces!” as he gathers up our smush babies and squeezes their wrinkles. And I do, these are my babies for now and there may be a time where my obsession wanes, where I forget how these two sweet little dogs are my whole world. I may forget the way Candy follows me desperately wherever I go and Cookie chews on anything and everything and drives me bonkers. There may be a time where these two are not enjoying a front-row seat in a puppy carseat or taking up the whole bed at night and keeping us up with their puppy lumbermill. Maybe they still will when children come, but certainly not forever. I hope that they are still my world when someday I have children even though people like to warn me it will be different.